I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
