i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
