I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
