brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
