ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
