I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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