I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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