My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
