your parents love me but you hate me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
