Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
