Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
