The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the condom got lost in my hair
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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