batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
