he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
