Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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