At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
