Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
