Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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