i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
