I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
