I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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