why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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