i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
