Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
