vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
