If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
