Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
