I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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