GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
