I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I could fuck to npr.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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