The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
