Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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