R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
