You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
