Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
