if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
