you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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