Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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