Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
