i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
