If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
