mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
