I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
