I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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