Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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