And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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