I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Less talking, more tequila
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
