i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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