i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
