Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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