Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
