Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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