the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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