last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
