Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
