Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my phone needs a breathalizer
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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