There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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