Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
