I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
