whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
