If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
