what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
