I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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