glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
