I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
