im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want to make out with him forever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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