I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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