Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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