i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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