i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
