I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come you make the beer taste better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
