I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
