New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
