its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize