guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
