When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
